EscarGoGoGo!!

Ready, set... slow?

Welcome to EscarGoGoGo!!, the zero-player snail racing simulator.

Every 30 seconds or so, a random race is arranged for your viewing pleasure in which ten procedurally-generated snails dash down the track in pursuit of fame and glory. The top three finishers come away with trophies!

Features

• Infinite races: Generate as many random snail sprints as you want, whether you're after a single sitting or a full day at the races.
• (Almost) infinite snails: A variety of colors, behaviors, stats, and names for the snails makes it highly unlikely that any two will ever be the same.
• Massive name database: A huge database of serious and silly names ensures a fresh cast of competitors each race.
• Convenient restart options: New races begin automatically a few seconds after all the participants have crossed the finish line, so you can leave the game running and check back in as you please. If you don't want to wait for all the snails to finish, you can manually start a new race after a winner has been decided.
• Pause feature: Halt the action at any point during (or right before) races to take in the scene, capture a screenshot, step aside for a break, or whatever.

Controls

Being a zero-player game, EscarGoGoGo!! is not controlled by player inputs. However, the following buttons can (re)start or pause the proceedings: 

Action	PICO-8	Keyboard
Start game	X	X
Begin new race (after a winner is decided)	X	X
Pause	O	Z

Suggestions for multiplayer

EscarGoGoGo!! does not even need one player. That said, there are ways to enjoy it in the company of multiple people.

• Watch games together. Cheer on snails that strike your fancy. Pray for the downfall of those you hate.
• Pause the game at the start of each race to assess the participants, then wager on which one you think will emerge victorious. Throw in guesses about second- or third-place finishes for added complexity.
• Designate each player as the "owner" of one or several lanes, and keep track of how many races they win.

Be sure to dream up your own methods for turning these silly snail races into multiplayer affairs, too!

Etc.

If you enjoyed EscarGoGoGo!!, please consider giving it a star on the Lexaloffle BBS.

This zero-player game was developed for the March 2026 Pizza Jam. I went with the "Enemy-controller" theme (#7). I tried to approach it from the perspective of treating the game controller itself as the enemy, and therefore created an experience in which no controller needs to be used (beyond the bare minimum necessary to start the program).